Dear Sauron,

I read with interest your remarks during your uplifting and visionary speech to your little orcs gathered in Brighton today outlining your rigorous response to public sector pay demands.

Thank you for your straightforward comments that explained to me that “pay discipline is essential to prevent inflation, to maintain growth and create more jobs - so that we never return to the old boom and bust of the past”. Because I really wouldn’t have understood these things if you hadn’t have helped me out.

Now, I know that as a non-clinical NHS employee I am not as important as a nurse, doctor, policeman, prison officer, member of Her Majesty’s Armed Forces, Job Centre numpty, 5 a day co-ordinator or Diversity instructor.

But I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to allow me to become worse off in real terms to underline to the general electorate you iron control of the economy and shrewd political judgement. Your singular control of the economy is a lesson worthy of note. How’s Alistair by the way? Not heard much from him. Aren’t you allowing him free reign at home whilst you pursue a foreign policy agenda?

But I digress. It would have been greedy in the extreme to expect a pay settlement that matched inflation. I personally wouldn’t have wanted more, but you’re right, why would I want to allow my children to have the little things that they have set their hearts on if I can sacrifice their petty needs to your greater vision?

After all those of us who chose to be in public service accept that our pay will never be great but are happy because we have the privilege to serve. It would have also been nice not to have the privilege of becoming poorer by doing so, but you know best. And anyway why would I want to have a settlement that would allow me to keep up with my increasing food, utility and housing costs?

I just wanted to add that I’m happy in the knowledge that the money that I have paid in tax to you has been so well spent. I’m sure that I will be able to make an ever increasing contribution in the near future.

Thank you so much for your consideration and understanding.

Gxxxxx